:: mar? 2021, "decay" ::

on a suicide attempt.

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hmmmm yes. i inevitably need to write about this following subject.
the second suicide attempt, because clearly one wasn't enough.
this time instead of attempting to drown myself again i went with a heroin overdose. yummy opioids. as it turns out, google does not want to share what the lethal dose of heroin is. but alas i was not stopped. my guess must've been enough to temporarily fuck me up anyway. the worst part was probably needing to wait for it to do its thing. it took about 7ish minutes for it to really hit. before that i just felt mildly euphoric, weak and unusually tired. maybe a little less tired than drowsy per se.
about 5 minutes or so after injecting the stuff i felt like getting up to look out of my window at the sea one last time. standing up was hard because of the weakness but i managed somehow.


[presumably unfinished]