:: feb xx 2021, surfacing ::

on emergence.

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are you asleep now? i can't really tell. maybe i'm the one dreaming. maybe this is just a temporary sense of disturbance i'll get over. we'll get over?
i feel like a parasite. i want to give you your life back, but i genuinely don't know how. i'm blanking out on solutions. do you feel incomplete at all? there's a part of me that feels incomplete. i want to shove that part down and end it. i shouldn't be allowed to suffer because of this. i'm just the byproduct of an inconvenient happening that was by no means your fault.
i probably shouldn't apologize for my existence but hell i feel like i need to.
i'm sorry.
i hope you'll forgive me.
please fucking tell me you have a way to fix this. please.

if i disgust you or you hate me, ignore this. forget me please.

once again, i'm sorry.

maybe i can just be your irrationality.


e i don't think that achieved anything.
oh well.